Creation!

 

Creationists all assume that the almighty, all-knowing magic genie snapped his fingers (always gender specific, as that’s the historic vernacular of ‘god’-talk) and poof, presto-change-o a universe! 

Bob’s your uncle and there we are - all in one go. 

7 days and dusted. 

 

Next up: creatures and plants and minerals and stuff to put on a specific, tiny blue marble, way off of galactic center of a ho-hum spiral galaxy of billions of planets for whatever reason an no reason whatsoever. 

(‘god’ works in mysterious ways, right?) 

Booga-booga.

Adam and Eve poof right into existence in a lovely garden where everything is perfect and the lion lays with the lamb and everything is sustained by the grace and will of the magic genie – who is now called ‘Father’. 

(So, we’re dealing with the prevailing patriarchy of the particular tribes who told these stories)

‘Father’ tells Adam and Eve to go forth and multiply while having dominion over all the earth.(as this blue marble is now called). 

(…Ahem.. why this ‘god’ couldn’t have snapped his cosmic finger again to populate this tiny iron-cored rock is inconsequential to the absurdity of this story.)

Anyway…

 

Cool! Adam says. 

(Eve already knows her place, it seems.)

“Hold on!” the Father says – “The catch is that you can’t eat the fruit off those two trees; one tree yields the knowledge of good and evil, the other eternal life. Clear?”

 

Well, a challenge made is a challenge met, so a talking snake/serpent

(!, yes, a talking snake/serpent (!)– mysterious ways, again…) 
persuades the woman...

(women… am I right or am I right!?) 

...to eat the fruit from the first tree cited by ‘Father’.

Oddly enough, the snake/serpent convinces the woman (!) to eat the 1st fruit, the knowledge of good and evil - rather than the 2^nd   one, which would have magically endowed them with eternal life – again for no reason. 

 

(A mystery right? Eternal life would’ve given them the power to live long enough to eat the other fruit, but I digress.)

 

Well, Eve eats the fruit of the 1^st tree and so does Adam 

(a wimp; p-whipped already! Am I right?). 

‘All-Father’ kicks them out of the ‘Garden’ to live lives of hardship and death on this little ball of rock that the ‘Father-god’ made… just for them(?) or something… 

 

Then, Cain and Abel, the sons of Adam and Eve show up. (Never mind your mental double-take...) Cain kills Abel out of rivalry over sacrificial offerings to the ‘Father-god’. So already, these two are squabbling over which one ‘Father’ likes best. (sound like a TV sit-com, yet?)

 

All things do not go swimmingly... 

(another little detail that the ‘all-knowing Father-god might have fore-seen… ahem)

Eventually, Adam and Eve and Cain (?) populate the earth. Or at least this one dusty corner of the middle-east. 

(Various reasons are presented by apologists explaining how such a trio might have loads of off-spring in a rather short period of time, but incest is never mentioned. Nudge-nudge, wink-wink… )

 

The talking snake (who is the baddie in this little screwy tale) gets off scot-free to do mischief at other times. ‘Father/god’ does happen to curse all snakes to crawl on the bellies as a punishment (!) 

Huh? 

The tale reminds one of the goofy ‘Just-so Tales’ of Kipling; How the elephant got its trunk, how the bear lost its tail. 

Codswallop!  

BTW, this herpetological baddie is actually ‘Lucifer’, a fallen angel and now known as Satan. More on him later.

 

Then, ‘He/Father/god’ kicks back and, strangely enough, no more is heard of him until a certain, minutely small group of humans who lived together in tribes on the dusty plains of Palestine told this psychotic tale - as they herded goats and avoided killing each other while getting killed by neighboring tribes (who had apparently forgotten that they were all related).

 

This one group, the Israelites, started getting messages from ‘father/god’ (known as Yahweh – a name forbidden to be uttered) along with visions and signs that ‘He’ was back in the game, as it were, and was not at all pleased with the way things were going.

 

This wacked out nonsense goes on and on with loads of magic and wrath and blood and slavery and bloody sacrifice and this part would not be in the sit-com. One ‘message’ gotten was to slaughter this group and that group like the Midianites; man, woman, child and live-stock(!) 

 

(It hadn't slipped the all-knowing Father/god’s 'mind' that all people were kin. However, they had worshipped another 'father/god' and, according to apologists, deserved to die.) 

 

That in a mish-mash, is a synopsis of the ‘creation’ myth of those poor saps who accept this garbage as ‘father/god-given fact.

Don't get me started on Noah's Flood.

 

“It’s in the Bible and the Bible is the word of god cuz the Bible says so…”